Couples, Marital, and Family Counseling

In my work with couples, I strive to know each person well, to understand what challenges and distortions are brought into the relationship, and to foster an open and collaborative dynamic. This structure does not leave room for blame, which is hurtful and counterproductive to the development of nurturing, bonded, and loving adult relationships. Instead, the focus remains on needed emotional relearning and behavioral change within the couple. While you may feel angry, hurt, or in utter despair at points along the way, the important thing to remember is to stay where you are and learn about your role in both the current problems and the ultimate desired solutions. As Jon Kabat-Zinn aptly states, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Put another way, if you leave or run from your relationship conflict, all you succeed in doing is taking you with you. You solve nothing. Instead, become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s dreams for the future.

In my work with couples, the focus is on understanding each individual, identifying the patterns brought into the relationship, and fostering collaboration rather than blame. This structure does not leave room for blame, which is hurtful and counter to the development of nurturing, loving bonds.

Instead, couples counseling addresses both emotional relearning and behavioral changes. This means each partner strives to understand their role in the relationship’s challenges—and in creating solutions. As Jon Kabat-Zinn famously said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Simply leaving or avoiding relationship conflict will not resolve it—learning to manage difficulties together, becoming friends, and supporting one another’s dreams is essential for growth.

Family therapy is designed to be a safe place to help you learn or relearn healthy patterns of behavior. You will work to end the repetition of unhealthy ways of being within a family. You will learn how to effectively and lovingly communicate within your family, how to provide true emotional support and respect, and how to create an environment that nurtures the success of all family members. An overriding emphasis is placed on collaboratively building a new or different family life, as well as collectively establishing goals among family members.

A component of family therapy may be a focus on parenting issues. Parenting challenges the individual as well as the couple in very significant ways. Parents learn their parenting skills from their families of origin and repeat those patterns, regardless of how healthful or toxic they are. How often have you heard your mother’s words or your father’s tone of voice coming from your lips? How often have you said, “When I am a parent I will never be like… I will never do…” That is why it is the relearning, and not the repetition, that is critical to healthy couples and healthy families. Our work together focuses on putting parents back in control through teaching the skills necessary to work as a team and by utilizing new resources, tools, and confidence.